i discovered something new this evening.
if you try to make jell-o instant pudding with rice milk instead of cow milk, it doesn’t work, and you wind up with bowls of pudding soup sitting in your fridge.
now i’m sad. that was my very favorite flavor of pudding.
alas.
Dear Headache:
You have been plaguing me for this entire week. Actually, you were plaguing me last week too. It’s time you were on your way. I am tired of you. Shoo. Shoo!
Sincerely (shoo! shoo!),
–sabrina
Dear Springtime Cold:
You have also overstayed your welcome. I’ve gone through two boxes of Sudafed, and they make you show ID for that shit now. At least Headache had the decency to be able to be mitigated with an over-the-counter drug. You require effort, and also Kleenex accessories. And I am running low on Kleenex. Go away!
Snifflingly,
–sabrina
May 21, 2007Sabrina L Downard
Chicago, ILFood and Drug Administration
5600 Fishers Lane
Rockville, Maryland 20857To Whom It May Concern:
I am a regular reader of the Consumerist blog (www.consumerist.com), a web log dedicated to customer service issues. It was there, in a post entitled “Chinese Poison Train Declared Unstoppable,” that I learned about your OASIS site, and specifically, a listing of products refused entry into the United States from China in April, 2007 because they did not meet FDA standards.
You know, I had never, ever considered that someone out there had the job of going through questionable food products and labeling them “Filthy.” I just take it for granted that my food isn’t gross. The next time someone lectures me about a “nanny state,” I think I’ll give them your OASIS web site URL.
Especially in light of Chinese manufacturers’ recent exportation of, e.g., diethylene glycol labeled as glycerine where it eventually poisoned cough syrup (something I found particularly horrifying), I just wanted to take a minute and write a thank you letter for everyone who is out there silently keeping we regular Joes safe by preventing unsafe imports.
Thank you.
Sabrina L DownardCc: Sen. Richard Durbin; Sen. Barack Obama.
oh, what the hell. it had been forever since i’d sent anyone a love letter. besides, seriously — y’all should read that page. someone is out there going through food imports that they eventually apply a legal description of “putrid or decomposed” to and kicking it right the hell back out of the country. WHOEVER YOU ARE, MYSTERY FDA PERSON, YOU ARE AWESOME.
i really liked bill richardson’s campaign Job Interview ads. i thought they were cute and informative, they kept my attention, and they were totally positive. they actually made me smile. seriously, how often do you see campaign ads that make you smile? just for that, he gets a nickel out of niqui’s campaign contribution jar.
this makes me want to write a fan letter to the Food and Drug Administration. hooray for the federal government! they got my back!
consider: there is a whole category called “FILTHY.”
