wikipedia now has an article on brian kwon.
*innocent whistling*for about the past two weeks, postmaster@$MY_EMPLOYER.edu (along with a fine list of postmasters @$OTHER_EDUs), have been receiving emails from some guy purporting to be named brian kwon. he skips from yahoo mail account to yahoo mail account, presumably as yahoo whacks them.
the brian kwon, he is the crackpottiest of the crackpotty. to date, we have learned that:- he is a messiah. one of three — the other two are younger than him, and black (one of them is trey smith, will smith’s son, and he has lots of stories about trey);
- he is being chased by the media (were it not for a fortuitously-timed bathroom break, in one story he related last night, a tv crew from one of the “three major [boston] channels” would have caught him on tape and then advertised his whereabouts on television;
- his favorite lawyer is a woman in cambridge, MA;
- watching professors turns one into robots [sic];
- jesus apparently had a lot of sex, with more than ten thousand women;
- travelling to florida apparently bears some relation with him being or becoming a messiah;
- messiah trey will win in a fight between michael jordan unless they resort to fisticuffs, because mj is bigger and stronger;
- and much, much more!
at first, i was like, “block the lunatic,” and a couple of times we put up access rules to prevent him from sending email inbound to uchicago. one error message parroted one of his comments back at him, slightly paraphrased; another said “dude, whatever your problem is, spamming .edu postmasters isn’t going to help”; a third exhorted him to take a prozac. (sometimes it’s fun to run mail servers.) but it was boring to keep coming up with error messages every time he jumped email addresses, and besides, his crackpot mail is pretty funny.
today we got one i particularly enjoyed:From: B K <bkwon30@yahoo.com>
Subject: porn and girls
To: postmaster@(35 different schools) people get pissed off when i look at porn
they follow me around on the internet - then tell everyone what i look at what are the pornstars, you're fuckin girls?
do u think a quality guy like me, the messiah, wants a goddamn pornstar? did u consider, i may be looking at girls on the web, to piss u off --
so u tell everyone and seem ridiculous? who's the fuckin loser? who's pathetic?
people have nothing better than talk about me, and even the porn i watch on the internet?
are u serious? i'm gonna keep doing it --- listen to the shit people talk about
_____________________________________ it definitely didn't work to take away all the girls
they are out there - and some want me its called freedom
they hate people like u, who tell them what to do u're too ugly to fuck them anyway
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
OMG WHITE SOX.
tagged by the lovely ms. kc:
10 YEARS AGO
i had just moved to chicago and started school as an undergrad at UIC, majoring in french, and working as a student employee at the computer center help desk. i lived in the dorms, and had a miserable roommate with whom i got along about as well as a Gore voter and Katherine Harris. i drove a 1975 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, and learned how to navigate all around the city by giving my friends rides home basically whenever they wanted.
i was living in evanston with steve, working at FastWeb on my first real big iron. when i drove, i borrowed steve’s 1995 Mitsubishi Eclipse, and i was always worried that i was going to somehow ruin the transmission or burn out the clutch as it was the first car i ever drove with a manual. 1 YEAR AGO
i was living in printer’s row, in a studio apartment, taking the #2 bus to work at The University of Chicago daily. i had not yet filled up my apartment, and in fact had nowhere to seat guests other than my one easy chair, my futon, or my computer chair. FIVE SNACKS
microwave popcorn, Wheat Thins, soft pretzels, mixed nuts, and cheese. but not all at once. FIVE SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO
Grateful Dead, “Ripple”; Simon and Garfunkel, “Mrs. Robinson”; “Sweet’s Song” from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode “Once More with Feeling”; Pink Floyd, “Mother”; and “House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals. FIVE THINGS I WOULD DO WITH $100 MILLION
pay off my debts, buy a house for me to live in, endow a fund so my cousins who want to go to college never have to drop out because of money, finish my degree or at least spend a lot of quality time taking classes just because they interest me, hire a secretary so i never forget to pay my bills or send a birthday card on time ever again. FIVE PLACES TO RUN AWAY TO
my grandmother’s house, kim’s, sox park, nyc, the uk. FIVE THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR
stiletto heels, ugly shoes, rhinestoned jeans, those stretchy knit stirrup pants that are like thick tights, an ugly winter coat. FIVE FAVORITE TV SHOWS
x-files, the west wing, er, quantum leap, arrested development. FIVE BIGGEST JOYS
rainbow umbrellas, bright colors, my cats, my friends, and perfume. FAVORITE TOYS
my car, my laptop, the laser pointer for my cats, a metal nail file, and a whiteboard with different colored markers. PEOPLE TO PASS THIS ON TO
whoever is so inclined, feel free.
since i tend to walk a lot of places when i’m going someplace within a couple of miles, i often walk into location shoots downtown. it happens often enough that i don’t even care anymore (assuming i ever did — well, i remember one time michael jordan was shooting an ad at the civic right after he’d launched his fashion line, back when the bulls were still awesome — i gawked a bit then. i mean, michael jordan, man), i just get annoyed by them being in my way. today’s shoot: er.
i’d passed the trailers on my way to the theatre, but forgot all about them on my way home and so walked straight into the mess. i was happily strolling down dearborn rocking out to my ipod when i was forbidden access to cross van buren. i removed my headphones so the earnest young security person could earnestly ask me to wait fifteen seconds or so, just so they could get this shot, then i could cross. “ah,” says i, looking over. “i see doctor pratt.” mekhi pfifer was poised on the stairs down from the el, waiting for the nice man with the clapper and the nice director to tell him he could walk down them. i was close enough to inform mr. pfifer that i would like to do naughty, naughty things to his person, but again, i’m too cool for that suburbanite shit, so i just replaced my headphones and waited.
