for about the past two weeks, postmaster@$MY_EMPLOYER.edu (along with a fine list of postmasters @$OTHER_EDUs), have been receiving emails from some guy purporting to be named brian kwon. he skips from yahoo mail account to yahoo mail account, presumably as yahoo whacks them.
the brian kwon, he is the crackpottiest of the crackpotty. to date, we have learned that:- he is a messiah. one of three — the other two are younger than him, and black (one of them is trey smith, will smith’s son, and he has lots of stories about trey);
- he is being chased by the media (were it not for a fortuitously-timed bathroom break, in one story he related last night, a tv crew from one of the “three major [boston] channels” would have caught him on tape and then advertised his whereabouts on television;
- his favorite lawyer is a woman in cambridge, MA;
- watching professors turns one into robots [sic];
- jesus apparently had a lot of sex, with more than ten thousand women;
- travelling to florida apparently bears some relation with him being or becoming a messiah;
- messiah trey will win in a fight between michael jordan unless they resort to fisticuffs, because mj is bigger and stronger;
- and much, much more!
at first, i was like, “block the lunatic,” and a couple of times we put up access rules to prevent him from sending email inbound to uchicago. one error message parroted one of his comments back at him, slightly paraphrased; another said “dude, whatever your problem is, spamming .edu postmasters isn’t going to help”; a third exhorted him to take a prozac. (sometimes it’s fun to run mail servers.) but it was boring to keep coming up with error messages every time he jumped email addresses, and besides, his crackpot mail is pretty funny.
today we got one i particularly enjoyed:From: B K <bkwon30@yahoo.com>
Subject: porn and girls
To: postmaster@(35 different schools) people get pissed off when i look at porn
they follow me around on the internet - then tell everyone what i look at what are the pornstars, you're fuckin girls?
do u think a quality guy like me, the messiah, wants a goddamn pornstar? did u consider, i may be looking at girls on the web, to piss u off --
so u tell everyone and seem ridiculous? who's the fuckin loser? who's pathetic?
people have nothing better than talk about me, and even the porn i watch on the internet?
are u serious? i'm gonna keep doing it --- listen to the shit people talk about
_____________________________________ it definitely didn't work to take away all the girls
they are out there - and some want me its called freedom
they hate people like u, who tell them what to do u're too ugly to fuck them anyway
