dear everybody, if, in the course of reading this blog, you come away with no other, more helpful information, at least you should know this: i really, really cannot recommend coming down with the evil death flu a day and a half before moving into a new apartment. it is a bad idea. it is […]
Browsing Posts in letters
dear baby boomer feminist clinton supporters: Cynthia Ruccia, 55, a sales director for Mary Kay cosmetics in Columbus, Ohio, is organizing a group, Clinton Supporters Count Too, of mostly women in swing states who plan to campaign against Mr. Obama in November. “We, the most loyal constituency, are being told to sit down, shut up […]
dear chicago city clerk and everyone else in the known universe: WHY DOES EVERYBODY ALWAYS SPELL MY NAME WRONG QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT!!!! IT’S NOT ‘DOWNWARD’!!!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!!! I EVEN SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU PEOPLE OVER THE PHONE!!! D O W N A R D!!!!!!! NO SECOND W!!!!!!!! […]
Dear Apartment Leasing Agent Jerkfaces: Okay, guys, for real this time, say it with me now: CALL FIRST. Seriously. I was even *home* this time. In pigtails, no doubt looking my absolute best in a dusty nerd t-shirt (“Distributing Clue to Lusers,” by O’Really), and carrying an armload of sheets that were about to get […]
Dear Jesse White, Illinois Secretary of State: I am moving, so I just went to the SoS office to get a new driver’s license with my new address. OH MY GOD THESE ARE SO UGLY. Who did you have design these things, kindergarteners on LSD? This is so horrible it actually makes my photo look […]
