Dear Jesse White, Illinois Secretary of State:

I am moving, so I just went to the SoS office to get a new driver’s license with my new address. OH MY GOD THESE ARE SO UGLY. Who did you have design these things, kindergarteners on LSD? This is so horrible it actually makes my photo look good in comparison. They might be really hard to forge now with all those technicolor wavy lines, but only because no one with a fake ID would be caught dead with something so tacky.

I should have just kept my old one and explained to people for the next 4 years that the address was out of date. Never ever ever ever ever EVER let the person who designed these things design so much as a doodle on a paper napkin, EVER AGAIN. I think I’m blind!

On the bright side, I feel compelled to note that the people at the 69 W Washington, Chicago “Express” office were, as usual, fast, cheerful, and competent, and five bucks is a wholly acceptable amount to pay for a replacement license, plus I like that I don’t have to sit for a whole new awful photo, you just reprint the old one, so the replacement process was quite painless, except for aesthetics.

Mr. Secretary, don’t hire the kindergarteners next time, no matter how bad the budget situation is. Please, I beg of you.