i am going to try to reinstate and extend the “whatever” field in an i attempt to see if can get through the workday more easily.
if nothing else, “whatever” is at least more politic than “fuck it.” i am sick unto death of “if it’s [ours], it’s wrong.”six days without an update? how odd and out of character for me. usually i presume you’re all holding on to the edge of your seats with wide-eyed anticipation of another tale of my exploits.
i fear you shall all be gravely disappointed, since my exploits this weekend pretty much consisted of watching a whole bunch of Stargate SG-1 and cleaning and sorting things into piles of has personal information; to be destroyed, to be donated to the Brown Elephant, to be packed, and merely generic old trash. i also made a spreadsheet with estimated values of my major personal possessions, for the purpose of changing my renter’s insurance this year to actually cover how much i would need if my house, like, exploded. see how much excitement you missed!?!?!?! THERE WERE EXCEL FORMULAS!for a day that started out complete crap, it didn’t end too badly.
of course that probably has a lot to do with the ridiculously corny ice skating movie i watched after i got home from work. but that’s okay. corny is good if you’re in a crap mood and don’t care about rather ham-handed scriptwriting and direction, and pretty much just want to see d.b. sweeney in a blackhawks jersey and a happy ending. hooray for netflix!i’m really good at making lists.
you laugh, but it’s a skill. and it’s one i happened to get instead of, say, “the ability to read the magazines you subscribe to before you have a stack of ten,” or “the ability to resist when someone puts crab rangoons on a plate in front of you.” so, you make the best of what you’ve got, and therefore i make a lot of lists. (unfortunately i wasn’t fortunate enough to get a large pile of follow-through to go with the list-making, but hey.) i have lists all over the place. right now my whiteboard is covered not with elaborate plots to redesign something, or diagrams, but with three separate to-do lists and three matrices of machine information. (and a demonic Fluffy, but that wasn’t my doing, unless you count the giggling encouragement.) i carry a daily planner notebook which is full to the seams with lists of all kinds of things. i have a list taped to my kitchen wall to remind me of what chores to do before i leave for overnight or longer, and a list in my medicine cabinet reminding me of what to pack when i go away. i keep lists in my wallet of what size picture frames i’m looking for, in case i find a sale, and what size and type of knitting needles i have (and whether they’re aluminum, plastic, or bamboo), so i don’t accidentally buy duplicates. oddly, i never use grocery lists, which is probably why i forgot to buy flour last night. but anyways, making lists is a calming thing. it helps define the things that otherwise get me all flummoxed, and put them into tiny little achievable boxes. it’s a huge, huge difference for me to look at a five page to-do list of tiny actually-doable tasks, versus looking at a six-line to-do list of things i don’t even know where to start with. it’s the vague and huge things that make me want to lock myself in my apartment and never come out until the bad project dies, which, as it happens, it never does. because bad projects are evil like that. so i’m breaking down the apartment hassles into a list. (actually, i started a while ago.) it’s going well. i’m trying to coax myself out of this huge sense of anxiety i’ve been feeling about the entire process. because if i have a list, then i can do things, and check them off, and all that means things are under control. the list is a good thing. the list makes me happy. the list keeps me from curling up and rocking back and forth in the corner while mumbling “this is not happening” on an endless loop. i love lists.as noted on irc:
seriously, any day which starts out with me thinking thoughts like “i wonder if i have any other financial assets i can liquidate?” before seven a.m. is a BAD day.
yes folks, niqui completed her annual pilgrimmage to acquire turbotax yesterday evening, and since the insomnia set back in — the little wretch — i took advantage of the time that would really, really have been better spent sleeping to do a first run-through of my taxes (haven’t really sat down to figure out my medical expenses, so i had to guess at those, and i haven’t gotten a 1099-INT for my checking account though i don’t know if i am going to or not), and the bastard thing informed me that i am getting significantly less than what i expected — i was heavily overwithholding last year, mostly due to 2004’s taxes and my failure to adjust my W4 in time, then deciding that it would be a good way to have money to move after running through some calculations of by how much i was overwithholding. considering that i was depending on my tax refund to pay for movers, a security deposit, and possibly the first month’s rent on getting a new apartment, this is really quite upsetting.
when the choice is between “charge EVERYTHING for the next three months” and “attempt to get a home equity loan,” and the thought of selling my very much beloved car actually crossed my mind — really, you have to wonder where it all went wrong. until you realize that you know exactly where it all went wrong and you’re helpless to change that part. (yes, i know a home equity loan makes more sense. the question is do i have the time to cope with attempting to get a loan in the time that i have left until i have to pay for a new place to live? although i suppose that it makes sense for the long term to get one, and push credit-card debt over to that, so that the interest rate drops and it becomes deductible.) goddammit, the fucking slumlords couldn’t have waited a year to acquire my building? my car would have been paid off! well, it’s off for another fun-filled day working for the man, which will no doubt make great strides in resolving today’s incredibly foul and increasingly desperate mood.
