as mentioned to no one on this blog, apparently, after a quick browse over previous posts (though i thought i had) … my first real honest-to-god sock … was a mutant sock that would fit no one, save perhaps Bigfoot. not me, not Kim‘s fourteen year-old son with the shoe size of “this kid’s going to be competition for Brandon McCarthy someday,” presumably not any actual human of my acquaintance. and since there have not been any Bigfoot sightings in the Chicago area recently, it is with great sadness that i announce the frogging of my sock.
this sock started out from the humblest of beginnings — superwash wool from the $1 bin at Loopy Yarns, and with low expectations for future success, as it was the first time i was trying to make a sock on two circs (also bought on closeout, at a different LYS, that was going out of sale). the yarn mostly had “dude, dollar yarn” and “pretty blue” going for it, and it was actually a little heavier than most sock yarns. this was probably a major contributor to its eventual demise. if only i had put it on a low-carb diet! the sock was well-travelled. it went with me on multiple expeditions, notably but not limited to the mechanic’s and toComiskey Park to watch the Sox painfully lose a late-season game from the Bullpen Sports Bar patio. its trip to Comiskey no doubt contributed to the number of gauge variances, as my tension grew tighter and looser over the course of the entire heel flap. the instructions were also not helpful, as they confused me into continuing the 2×2 ribbing across the entire foot, which you just know would have been uncomfortable to walk on. after journeying to Ohio Linux Fest 2006 and being assiduously knitted on in the AFS panel, among others, the sock grew to the point where i figured “that looks footlike,” and then it travelled on with me to northeastern ohio, where a senior medical opinion was sought and then delivered the diagnosis of incurable gargantuanism. the sock lingered on, never giving up hope, as it sat loyally on the table to the side of my living room chair, and while i continued to deny that it was a lost cause. other knitting projects were jostled and fell to the floor (it’s a crowded table, since evidently i’m too lazy to stretch the extra ten inches to the actual knitting basket) while the mutant sock sat in a position of relative honor, in the center, far from cats moving things aside to better sit on the arm of the chair or from being tossed ignominously to the ground after i walked incautiously past the table. but lest you think the end was all denial and grouchiness, the sock had one final fling — as i’ve worked my (second, current) sock up to the toe, but i was unwilling to have it have my first toe in case i screwed it up — a decision made after i knit the first five rows of the toe and decided i was screwing it up — i picked it up this morning and knit a toe onto it while watching a couple of episodes of “The West Wing”. (and lo, a third or maybe sixth tension was knit into the sock, as the toe was nice and dense, unlike pretty much the entire rest of the sock. oh well.) now i am feeling up to knitting a toe on my actually-fits-me sock, and have great hope for eventually actually owning a pair of hand-knit socks. however, to all things there is a season, turn turn turn, la la now i have the byrds stuck in my head — great — and so today the sock was reincarnated into stash yarn. i’d like to observe a moment of silence for my poor doomed sock.
alas, poor sock. i knew you well. at least now you’ll get a chance to be a real sock someday! 
— which seems a bit overkill — i am coming up blank. aghghghg. and the deadline looms ever nearer every day. the ball of yarn is glaring at me (from its position on the chairside table with four rows knitted of the last pattern, which, contrary to advertisement, looks pretty much like stockinette, and thus was rejected once seen in action… maybe i’m doing something wrong but i swear all it said was k2, k2tbl, rep ad nauseum…). i’m getting desperate. i’m going to end up sending a boring stockinette square, i just know it. argh!
