• Call my friend Paul to go get drinks, because as long as he’s known me he’s known I want to emigrate, and victory calls for beer.
  • Join the Tate (mostly just for the Tate Modern. I’m sure Tate Britain, Liverpool, and St Ives are all great, but srsly. Tate Modern! zomg!) and the London Transport Museum.
  • Totally gonna buy a Teasmade. Don’t care what anyone says. Don’t care if it’s £60. Don’t care if it’s got a slightly silly name. An alarm clock that makes morning caffeinated beverage for you to wake up to? SHEER BRILLIANCE.
  • Spectacularly enjoy the first time a tourist asks me for directions and I actually AM a local instead of just another tourist like them, albeit one who apparently looks like a local. (But despite that, I will still not know how to give them directions without consulting my A to Z. Some things are eternal.)
  • Speaking of which, I will gleefully, immediately, and shamelessly latch on to “Zed” instead of “Zee.” C’MONNNNNNNN. We already have Bee, See, Dee, Eee, Gee, Pee, Tee, and Vee; the opportunity to dump at least one of the -ee rhyming letters must not be passed up.
  • Try like hell to get tickets to a taping of basically any Radio 4 comedy programme I can, but especially if it’s the Now Show.
  • Switch my spelling consciously to things like “neighbour,” “colour,” “programme,” “labour,” “theatre,” “oestrogen,” “realise,” “catalogue,” “analogue,” and “artefact,” but almost certainly forget to switch out to double L in “traveller” every time. But I will give up the Oxford comma when someone rips it out of my cold dead hands.