i bought my car on, IIRC, 27 may 2001. i am a good little practical midwesterner and i bought it new with the intention of driving it until it died (which i expected to take roughly 15 years. i will not be surprised if it lasts me 18, but i will be actively disappointed if it’s less than 12.) or until i turn 40. i love my car and i’m happy to think that i have chosen well for a long-term lossy investment.

but on my 40th birthday, no matter how much i love my pretty baby passat, i’ll be picking out a new love: i promised myself a birthday present a long time ago. i will approach middle age with style and german engineering: i’m going to buy myself a porsche. i honestly haven’t decided on which one. i don’t know which model, a convertible or a coupe, or whether i’ll go for a new one or a well-maintained vintage model that i can baby. i know i want a manual transmission. i’m pretty sure i don’t want one that has parts from James Dean’s 550 spyder in it. as for the rest — i’ve got years to figure out the remaining details (as i save up for it, because part of the deal is i have to pay cash for it). but anyways, consumer reports magazine clearly loves me as they recently did a luxury sports car comparison issue of the magazine (“recently” meaning it’s the upcoming october issue), and the 911 ranked #1. it spanked a beemer, a mercedes, a lotus elise (which is, i have to say, one of the ugliest damn cars. srsly, y’all.), a dodge viper, and my personal least favorite, a chevrolet corvette, among others. i have to say i’m a little contemptuous of the excesses of the viper and the ‘vette: they have 8.3 and 7-litre engines, respectively. 8.3 LITER V10, and 510 hp, y’all. that’s faintly ridiculous. the pretty, sleek little 911 carrera, on the other hand, gets 355 hp out of a 3.8L V6. that’s more niqui’s speed, if you’ll pardon the pun. vroom!