so, uh. there may be some site unavailability in the future. looks like i’m getting up off my ass and moving the site from ${CRAPPY_LOCAL_ISP_WHO_NEVER_ANSWERS_NIQUI’S_EMAILS} to the JohnCompanies colo sooner rather than later. apparently i’m doing it this weekend!

FROM: [Fred the Support Guy]. From CHIhost.com
TO: me

Hi,

You have WAY too much perl usage, the cpu and ram this site uses is not appropriate for the plan you are on.

root@server132 [~]# cat file| grep zig
32572 zig 18 0 7940 5928 1444 D 6 0.3 0:01.22 /usr/local/bin/perl
32303 zig 18 0 7956 5580 1444 D 4 0.3 0:01.56 /usr/local/bin/perl
32376 zig 18 0 8188 5756 1588 D 3 0.3 0:01.57 /usr/local/bin/perl
31195 zig 18 0 8276 5580 1448 D 1 0.3 0:01.29 /usr/local/bin/perl
392 zig 18 0 7356 5544 1444 D 1 0.3 0:01.18 /usr/local/bin/perl
31012 zig 18 0 7052 5576 1444 R 1 0.3 0:01.46 /usr/local/bin/perl
32585 zig 18 0 8252 5576 1444 D 1 0.3 0:01.33 /usr/local/bin/perl
32174 zig 18 0 8564 5748 1588 R 1 0.3 0:01.37 /usr/local/bin/perl
1038 root 15 0 8560 2256 1804 S 0 0.1 0:00.02 sshd: zig [priv]
1061 zig 16 0 8560 1700 1252 S 0 0.1 0:04.70 sshd: zig@pts/1
1090 zig 16 0 3080 1376 1088 S 0 0.1 0:00.09 -jailshell
11552 root 17 0 8736 2216 1776 S 0 0.1 0:00.03 sshd: zig [priv]
13375 zig 15 0 8736 1664 1212 S 0 0.1 0:00.00 sshd: zig@notty
13483 zig 16 0 5024 952 716 S 0 0.0 0:00.01 /usr/libexec/openss
Please switch to a plan appropriate for that usage such as our
dedicated server $179.95/mo + $99 Setup
or
Semi-dedicated server $39.95/mo + Free Setup

Failure to switch to plan appropriate for your usage may result in your site being shut off without further notice. Which plan did you want to go with?

Thanks,
[Fred]

some days i am better at hiding my contempt than others.

FROM: sabrina downard
TO: [Fred the Support Guy]

> Failure to switch to plan appropriate for your usage may result in your site
> being shut off without further notice.
>
>  Which plan did you want to go with?

Hah! That’s fantastic. Every time I have tried to email chihost support I get utterly blown off and never hear back at all — such as my most recent email after someone messed up my chroot jail, wherein I actually pleaded for just an acknowledgement of the email — but you find a problem and suddenly you guys remember I’m here.

Also, I really like the emailing threatening cutoff on the day before Thanksgiving. That’s awesome.

Tell you what, I’ll do us both a favor. Let me know what the date through which I’m currently paid up through is, and we can shake hands and go our separate ways at that time.

—
sabrina downard

i really, really, *really* wanted to ask for exactly how much “perl” i am allowed to use, or remark on his super-scary “cat file| grep zig” “of course the puny user will be frightened by my PS OUTPUT” attempt to techno-frighten me into submission, or hell, even just say “boy, are you guys dumb,” but i couldn’t bring myself to be mean. well. meaner than i was.

i do really like the threatened cutoff on thanksgiving eve. ‘cos that shit is TOTALLY what i was going to be doing tomorrow, baby!