for a while, i’ve been kinda broke. i haven’t been able to keep to the strict regimen of PAC and campaign donations i used to be able to support, back in the good old days before i owned a car and a house. it’s been frustrating, actually. i mean, i don’t miss the endless, endless piles of junk snail mail (how could i, when i still get enough to choke a small pony?), but i did think that it was worthwhile to support the causes to which i sent money, and i wish i could still support them.
foremost, of course, are actual politicians. i like NARAL and all, but i know that they’re going to be continuing to fight without me reminding them what i want them to fight for. whereas, with my representatives in the federal and state government, y’know, they can forget and get caught up in things, until i have to be all, “hey! hey, down here! yeah, me! i want you to vote YEA on that! we totally talked about this last week!” and of course they’re happy to send me letters back in response to the letters i send them (which is nice; it’s good to be acknowledged, at least by whatever poor sad sack of an intern gets stuck opening constituent letters), but as the saying goes, “money talks.” i’ve figured out a way to resolve the “i’m broke” / “i want to donate cash so that government will do what i want it to do” crisis. i am going to go home tonight and eat spaghetti for dinner. and then i’m going to wash out the jar and cut a hole in the lid and it’ll become my official DNC Tip Jar. every time someone does something i like, i tip something into the jar. every time someone does something that makes me want to shake them like a british nanny, i take something out of the jar. at the end of the year, i’ll cash out the sauce jar and send them a check for what they earned. (i’m going to have to take notes, so i can send them a full accounting, as well. that’s going to be the tough part. i hate taking notes.) i think i’m going to have to establish some basic guidelines for tipping. some things will clearly earn higher rewards than others. there will be discretionary additions and extractions as well, of course — i’m sure i cannot begin to imagine dumbassery as yet uncommitted. there’s always more dumbassery than i can imagine. (and i’m afraid to even speculate about an example of rampant dumbassery, for fear the democratic leadership will take that as a challenge to surpass.)| Action | Reaction | |
|---|---|---|
| • Refusing to confirm a Supreme Court judicial nominee who says he’ll overturn Roe v. Wade despite the fact that a majority of Americans don’t want it overturned | … | +$8.00 |
| • (Really) funding Amtrak, and not just in the damned northeastern corridor | … | +$2.00 |
| • Increasing budgets for Head Start programs, public teachers’ salaries, public mass transit systems, alternative energy sources for automobiles, rail shipping, arts and music programs in public schools, or anti-drunk driving education programs | … | +$2.00 |
| • Legitimizing intelligent design pseudoscience | … | -$3.00 |
| • Wigging out over wardrobe malfunctions on national television, as though the sight of a naked female breast will destroy democracy. | … | -$1.50 |
| • Giving up on a fight like a wimpy unwanted stepchild, “for the good of the nation.” (Because, God knows Americans hate arguing with people.) | … | -$5.00 |
| • Actually investigating the Valerie Plame leak, and prosecuting where appropriate | … | +$3.00 |
| • Increasing support for gay marriage | … | +$4.00 |
| • Not behaving like jackasses over gun legislation (in either direction) | … | +$1.00 |
| • Actually, just sort of average everyday not behaving like jackasses | … | +$1.00 |
| • Acting like a jackass | … | -$2.00 |
| • Anything that makes me comment to someone, “wow, it’s almost like the Dems are growing a pair, after all.” | … | +$1.00 |
