so a while ago, they disabled my apartment’s balcony to do some repairs — the original railings were installed wrong, so they had to remove them, demolish part of the concrete (which could have been damaged by the improperly installed railings), replace the concrete, and reinstall the railings. they did this by grouping us into sets, going column-by-column (rather than floor-by-floor). it is, we were told, about a six-month process. except for the part where they started ours in the fall, and we were therefore going to lose access for the entire winter.

last i heard, we were not projected to get access back until mid-july…after the balconies were barricaded last OCTOBER. (nine months != six months! argh!! but i digress.) so, imagine my SQUEEEEE when i came home late last night and realized I HAD BALCONY RAILINGS AGAIN!

The sweet sight that greeted me this morning when I woke up

then i looked a little bit more closely at the bubble wrap and noticed something else.

Um, did you guys maybe forget something?

yes. those are bolt holes. with no bolts through them. on a balcony thirty stories up.

i guess we should hope it doesn’t get windy out, yeah?

oh, no, hey, wait! it’s all good!

What, you couldn't afford two?

no, i’m wrong, i’m totally wrong… there is a bolt.

singular.

…

AWESOME.

and then there’s this. (bad photo because the angle is terrible, but…)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Incredible Weightless Iron Railing!

yes. the mounts closest to the building are actually up off the concrete. so it’s, like, front-heavy, which is probably predictable… BUT IS NOT REASSURING AT ALL, GUYS, SERIOUSLY.

i mean, i never studied physics or engineering or, you know, even watched Bob the Builder or anything, but it does seem to me that if you’re going to haul a railing up thirty stories to put it on a balcony you could probably fit more than one bolt in your pocket… and if you’re only going to install one or two bolts, maybe you should put it in the back, so that if it leans anywhere it leans away from toppling off the edge? you know? because the whole reason we’re repairing the balconies in the first place is because there were things falling off that weren’t supposed to fall off?

meep.

but at least i guess this means i actually am going to get my balcony back someday, so that’s good!