dear white sox,

attn: mark buehrle:

you may be an all-star, but you’re also a schmuck. (i still love you … but i had to sit through sunday’s game and you’re still a schmuck.)

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attn: brandon mccarthy:

brandon, honey, quit making me sad like a little puppy dog who just got kicked by someone she thought was her very tall friend.

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attn: everyone else except tadahito and joe crede and a.j. and bobby jenks and maybe a few others but this exception list is getting a little long:

less sucking would be nice. i’m just sayin’.

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attn: ozzie:

well, it could always be worse. i mean, you could be a zombie like dusty baker.

love and criticism,
–s.