i was on a roll. i was getting things done. i was taking care of business, baby.

i was cleaning my house.

and lo! came that fateful moment. that one in a million chance. that instant where i reached out with my gloved hand, bearing a damp sponge, and wiped away the dust on the flexible hose that connects the water supply with the toilet tank.

the flexible hose which promptly slipped partly out of its bracket and began a slow, dripping leak onto the linoleum.

but i am a capable woman. i can change a flat, i can apply a tourniquet, i can clip an unwilling cat’s claws, and i can handle real crises like leaking pipes. calmly and capably, i flushed the toilet to drain the tank, slid a bucket beneath the hose, and turned the cutoff valve tightly closed.

whereupon the valve began to leak all over the floor too.

…

and that’s about the point at which i sighed, decided on comfort food hawaiian pizza delivery, and called the caretaker. i may be capable, but i am not even about to get in a bitchfight with the toilet over who is the boss of whom, because i know that that’s a fight with only a loser: wet, frustrated niqui.

and now i’m probably not even compatible with Google TiSP anymore, either.

alas. thwarted!