given me by a friend:

he adds, “that’s not us, by the way.” good to know!

him: our plan is to feed the campus squirrels protein and steroids
me: too expensive. i like the peanut on a string approach
him: well, the steriods would go along with our ‘nut suit’.. so that we can make them big and aggressive while training them to jump on you looking for food
me: this plan is disturbing
him: we also have a ‘seed suit’ plan for the washington park geese
him: …. at least a ‘seed codpiece’