so pirate dan called me up two weeks ago, before he left for burning man, while he was at the petco. let me tell you, there’s nothing more cute-slash-completely-unexpected than picturing pirate dan — six foot something, burly, head shaved bald, multiple piercings and tattoos, usually in a leather jacket . . . cooing at small mammals and reptiles telling them how cute they are in a baby talk-voice.

(in defense of dan’s bad-assedness, i should note that while we were at the shop today, he was still cooing, but at the same time he was trying to teach one of the parrots to say “cocksucker.” when i objected, he switched to trying to teach it to say “bastard” instead.)

anyways, i had been thinking about getting a small caged lizard or something as a pet for the office, because sometimes i want something to talk to that won’t talk back, and people would probably object to an office cat. well, except pxr5, but she’s the exception rather than the rule. anyways, i was thinking small and cute, like a gecko or something.

i promised dan, in between coos, to wait for him to get back and then go shopping for my small office pet. so we went to petco tonight to look at the creatures. i grant you, it took us ten minutes to get past the small fuzzy creatures displays — ferrets, mice, chinchillas, little baby white rats with cute pink ears that were so curious — and, while petco had a number of lizards and other things (like a HUGE FUCKING MILLIPEDE THAT NO ONE SHOULD EVER OWN AS A PET BECAUSE IT WAS A GIANT, GROSS BUG) like cute little firebelly frogs and stuff, they only had baby ball pythons for snakes. i was hoping they would have king snakes because after doing a little reading, i was kind of thinking that a king snake would make a good office pet (good starter snake, small, they sound like they’re super friendly and pretty tolerant, and i have to admit that there’s a little bit of me that really wants to walk into meetings with a snake wrapped around me just to see what people do), but they didn’t — and i asked one of the staff to let me see one of the pythons.

he was so cute! he sniffed my hands, then snuggled up my arm, and when i put him on my shoulder, he curled up around my neck and hung out there a few minutes until we put him back in the cage. awww, so cute! he had just molted so he was really soft, and he had the neatest molten-silver eyes.

niqui wants a snake.

but now i want to go to an actual reptile shop, or like a herpetological society or something (as opposed to a mass-market pet shop), and talk to them about having a snake. from reading things, it sounds a little bit more complex than having a cat. i mean, cats can bite you or meow when they’re unhappy, and they’re pretty obvious. for a snake, i have to set up a cage, and make sure he has a warm end and a cool end of the cage, and make sure it has water to drink and some sort of mister or something to keep him from being all dehumidified, and i have to have mice to feed him except if he won’t eat (all of which says to me that frozen mice sounds like the best option). and maybe he’ll eat and maybe he won’t, and i won’t be able to tell whether he will or won’t, or whether or not it’s a problem if he doesn’t eat. and he has to have a branch and stuff to hang out on in his cage, so he doesn’t get bored. so this all sounds more vaguely complicated than i had imagined, when i thought i would get a glass aquarium, a branch, a food dish, and a gecko.

but, little bitty snake curled up on my shoulders, so cute!