• the git whose idea it was to market Clearasil when i was a teenager, claming that acne was a teenage-only problem and once i hit 20 i was home free. you are responsible for years of disappointment, sir, and don’t think i’m going to forgive it easily.
  • anyone who gave me — mistakenly or otherwise — fat-free cream cheese for a bagel, ever.
  • the idiot in the volvo who cut me off on the way to work this morning. actually, any idiot in a volvo, ever. especially the one i saw reading the sun-times, spread out across the steering wheel, while driving down old skokie road in northbrook, about five years ago.
  • steve jobs. all other things that i like that he’s done aside, you killed the newton, you fucker!
  • catgirls.