that article title is not an inappropriate joke: i have a stuffed monkey that lives on my desk at work, right next to my laptop. in my grand tradition of incredibly creative names, he is named MONKEY! (yes, with all caps and exclamation point). MONKEY! is very soft and plush and he balances really well on my shoulder when i’m cranky. plus his little sad monkey face makes me feel like someone else knows my pain and it’ll be okay.

i just realized that MONKEY! is missing and nowhere to be found in my office.

i’m really a little more upset by this than a 28-year-old should be sad!

i want MONKEY! back. :( this valentine’s day present totally sucks!