So yesterday I spent the day volunteering, as part of Vincentian Service Day at DePaul, at the Brown Elephant thrift shop on North Clark. While I did really enjoy it, by the end of the day I was pretty beat, and I still had to go get ready to go out to the Horseshoe Casino for my friends’ bachelor/bachelorette party. So on my way home I stopped at Caribou Coffee for a vat of caffeine and, on a whim, decided to add a slice of lemon poppyseed bread for a snack. I put it in my bag and promptly forgot about it, until I remembered this afternoon. How appetizing to pull this sack from my messenger bag.

oily bag

Lest you think that maybe it was just iced on one side and thus leaked a little oil there: no, the entire sack was soaked all the way through.

In fact, it reminds me of those art projects you do as a child, when you color something and then soak the paper with vegetable oil to turn it into a mock stained-glass window.

Caribou, you must be keeping the vegetable oil industry aloft single-handedly just through your pastry sales. This is pretty gross. What, was the lemon so sour that you had to temper it with an entire gallon of canola oil?

Also: Yeuuuuuuuccccchhhhhh.