i believe that i am highly critical of other drivers, but that that’s okay because cars are very capable of causing death.
i believe in the manual transmission.
i believe in using my turn indicators scrupulously, even in parking lots.
i believe that heated front seats are the best automotive accessory invented since the rear defroster.
i believe in maintaining a steady speed by use of the speedometer and the accelerator pedal. i believe that relying on the cruise control leads to becoming a lazy and inattentive driver, and laziness and inattention are not qualities i want while piloting a machine that is capable of killing me or others for hours on end at 80 mph.
i believe in watching for deer in the country for self-preservation purposes, not in order to enjoy nature’s beauty.
i believe that if i am stuck in traffic the least they can do for me is to have a ballgame on the radio, even if it is only the mud hens.
i believe in stopping before the thick white line, and i believe that “rolling stops” totally don’t count.
i believe in taking the #6 home if i go drinking right after work, even though the #6 kinda sucks.
i believe in keeping only ripped copies of CDs in my car, so they don’t get scratched or i don’t lose a significant investment if my car is ever stolen.
i believe that when i can see the sears tower’s spires, that means i’m home, and that the lift i get is one of the greatest natural highs.
i believe that wearing my seatbelt makes me safer, and it makes me anxious that some people in my family won’t wear theirs.
i believe in taking I-80 to 180 to Route 29 to peoria on occasion, because it’s much prettier than 55 to 74.
i believe it’s probably a good idea to check my tire pressure often, though i usually don’t.
i believe that states that don’t give you free road maps at the rest areas are substandard.
i believe that the passengers shouldn’t notice when i make lane changes, except for the sound of the blinker.
i believe that the indiana and ohio turnpikes handle toll collection far better than the illinois tollway authority.
i believe that the left lane is for passing, the right lane is for driving, and that changing lanes keeps you awake and concentrating on what you’re doing.
i believe that if you can read that bumper sticker, you are too fucking close.
i believe in just getting in the car and going.
i believe in using my lights to signal when it’s safe for a trucker to get in front of me, and using my hazards to say “thank you” if he does so for me.
i believe than taking I-57 south from chicago all the way through illinois is one of the most boring damn roads i’ve ever driven.
i believe that when it’s nice out, it’s okay to do yoga on the lawn at the rest area to raise your energy even if people look at you funny. actually, i think it’s even more worthwhile when people do look at you funny.
i believe in filling up my tank at the last gas station before i get home.
i believe that tennessee has some of the nicest rest stops, and louisiana the absolute sketchiest i have experienced.
i believe i’m going to get popped for a speeding ticket one of these days, and it’ll make me really sad when it happens because it’s been five years since my last one at this point.
i believe that one day i will stop confusing 290 and 294. until then, i’ll just talk about the north-south and the ike.
i believe in listening to music while driving, although i’ll note that around toledo, ohio, you can get really good NPR reception.
i believe in checking my blind spots even when i think it’s unnecessary. i believe that relying on my side mirrors would make me a bad driver.
i believe in dimming high beams the first instant you see a sign of an approaching car, or the taillights of someone you’re approaching, and that to leave them on where they interfere with other drivers makes you an asshole.
i believe that it’s one tank of gas to kim’s, half to my dad’s, two to my cousins’, and another half on top of that to my mom’s.
i believe that i am brave enough, but not crazy enough, to drive in southern california.
i believe truck stop coffee beats out tollway fast food coffee any goddamned day of the week.
i believe that parking in the loop on weekdays is fucking overpriced.
i believe in writing down my mileage every time i buy gas.
i believe that new york state’s interstate mile and exit numbering scheme is stupid and was implemented specifically to irritate me. i believe pennsylvania changed from new york’s scheme to everyone else’s scheme because they knew i was coming and wanted to get on my good side.
i believe that i lost one of my two car keys a while ago, and i’m still kind of hacked off about it.
i believe that knowing how to change one’s own oil and tires should be part of the driver’s license exam. i believe that anyone who calls triple-A to change a flat because they’re afraid to try is weak.
i believe in keeping ponytail holders around my shifter so i can keep my hair out of my face while driving.
i believe long-haul transport belongs on the rails, not the roads, and i believe that i might have one more uncle today if it wasn’t for truckers sharing needles to make ends meet.
i believe in using those sticker protector thingies that turn my city sticker into a static-sticker instead of a permanent-gluey-sticker.
I believe that the carburetor is better than the fuel injector because it’s mechanical and not electronic, even if it is less efficient.
i believe that my car is happiest in fifth gear cruising at about 3300 rpms, and i drive accordingly.
i believe in parking by setting the brake and leaving the car in neutral, not by leaving it in gear.
i believe that automatic transmissions are responsible for the near-complete lack of modern driving etiquette.
i believe that tailgating is a sign that you are an irredeemably rude person. i believe that if you tailgate with your high beams on you should be shot.
i believe that i should be able to install a voluntary governor, so that i can leadfoot all i like but i still won’t do more than 85 unless i specifically disable it.
i believe that people who don’t change to the left lane to let someone merge, when they have room to do so, are jackasses.
i believe in pulling off the road to take pictures if i feel like it.
i believe that my lead foot is going to get me in some real trouble someday, partly because i also believe that radar detectors are cheating.
i believe that in illinois, unmarked country roads have a speed limit of 55 mph. i believe that unposted speed limits are irrelevant, unless the corn is too high to see the cross roads.
i believe in road trips to nowhere just for the sake of driving.
i believe everyone else is a bad driver, grated on a scale of “i’m content to ride in your passenger seat” to “mom, why don’t we take my car?”
i believe in toll gates as a means to let me entertain myself.
i believe that one day i’ll finally take that Route 66 trip i’ve been wanting to do for so long.
i believe that the time i had my car up to 105 mph was bloody fast enough.
i believe in open roads, rolled-down windows, and loud rock ‘n roll music.