My Verio coffee mug met its end today. As it was reporting for duty for the second cup of coffee this morning, I bumped it and it slid off the countertop and tragically shattered on the tile kitchen floor at work.

Verio gave out the mugs to WWA people as another pointless token of their excess dot-com VC money a reminder of their “Extra Mile” employee recognition program, but its main virtue was that it was very big; it held about 16 oz/500 ml. Many people have remarked on my coffee quantity over the years. It was, in a word, a “thing.”

My mug was responsible for many thousands of cups of coffee and tea in its over 11 years of service. It saw me through six employers: Verio, NTTC, FastWeb, the JFI at U of C, NSIT at U of C, and now Gelber. It kept me caffeinated at the jobs I was clawing at the door to leave, and at those where I was sad I had to go. It faithfully conveyed coffee of all sorts, from the disgustingly awful crap the operators at U of C used to call coffee (which was the Coffee of Last Resort), to yummy fresh french-pressed Intelligentsia. It held in equal esteem all sorts of black, green, white, and even herbal tea. It never leaked, not even once, and didn’t have so much as a single chip, though over the years it did get a little stained on the inside (nothing a little vinegar wouldn’t fix, if I would just take it home).

If you figure I used it three times a day, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year, for 11 years, it served eight thousand, two hundred, and fifty cups of hot beverage to me. That doesn’t count the times I just used it for a cup of water, which it also bore without complaint.

Go in peace, my beverage-holding friend.

mournfully, and with coffee in a lame, backstory-free paper cup,
–s.

Just wanted to let you know — a multitude of regular-season sins can be forgiven through the skillfull execution of October appearances. FYI.

love,
–sabrina.

Knock it off, you weenies. I am not amused by your continuing to lose like losing losers. Especially to the damn TWINKIES.

Argh. Minnesota! ARGH!!!

no love,
–sabrina

1. When I respond to your initial cold email with “Please remove me from your mailing list,” the appropriate response is not to re-send that initial cold email with certain sentences removed. You fail at responsible emailing.

2. “I have been trying to reach you for the past few days” — well, obviously you weren’t trying very hard, as I received neither a voice mail nor an email previous to this. You fail at making me feel guilty and thus willing to talk to you.

3. “I would like for an opportunity to get into your calendar as per your availability” — yes, my corporate calendar is on Exchange and that does mean it’s slutty, but c’mon, even it has some standards. You fail at phrasing.

4. “This has reference to the open positions on your company website” — our company web site says “We currently have no open positions.” It’s lying, of course, but that’s only because we’re too lazy to call the web designer. Nonetheless, you’re pretty clearly lying to me here. You fail at not obviously lying.

5. “We have the perfect match resources with the following skill sets mentioned on your company website at a very competitive rate [followed by blank line after blank line].” Perfect match resources? For the nonexistent job postings? Does that mean you in fact have zero resources? Also, I like how you don’t refer to people as people. You fail at pitching.

6. “”[OurCo] is one stop IT Solutions Company. We have helped several organizations such as yours in cutting cost and improving operational efficiencies” [sic].” It’s one stop-IT-Solutions-Company, huh? What exactly is a stop-IT-Solutions-Company? And why would you think I want to stop IT solutions? I like IT solutions. I’d like to see the HVAC guys just try and solve my remote software synchronization issues. You fail at phrasing, again.

7. Your company name is really dippy. I’m pretty sure you just had it made up by a focus group. You fail at naming.

8. Googling your company name reveals that you’re a firm which outsources jobs to India. I have no idea how you decided that my one job posting on Monster — not even currently listed at the moment, by the way — means I am searching to outsource jobs overseas to cut costs. You fail at marketing.

9. You fail a lot, actually.

–sabrina

WHAT THE FUCK.

i am not happy.

no love,
–sabrina.

if, in the course of reading this blog, you come away with no other, more helpful information, at least you should know this:

i really, really cannot recommend coming down with the evil death flu a day and a half before moving into a new apartment. it is a bad idea. it is no fun. it is going to make tomorrow suck.

(at least i had the good sense to hedge my bets, and leave out my painkillers and some sudafed, while packing up the rest of my bathroom. still: ow.)

:(,
–s.

Cynthia Ruccia, 55, a sales director for Mary Kay cosmetics in Columbus, Ohio, is organizing a group, Clinton Supporters Count Too, of mostly women in swing states who plan to campaign against Mr. Obama in November. “We, the most loyal constituency, are being told to sit down, shut up and get to the back of the bus,” she said.

Grow up. I’m so fucking tired of reading how it’s the duty of all women everywhere to vote for Hillary because she’s got the same chromosomes. Yes, sexism is doubtlessly bad but it’s not the same as racism so quit making allusions to the back of the goddamn bus. Also, your candidate is losing because her platform sucks and she lies; get over it.

Geraldine Ferraro, you can bite my shiny metal GenX ass, but you won’t, because you’re too fucking busy whining.

no love, and just so you know, this is totally the sort of bullshit that drove me to quit supporting NOW,
–sabrina

WHY DOES EVERYBODY ALWAYS SPELL MY NAME WRONG QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT!!!!

IT’S NOT ‘DOWNWARD’!!!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!!! I EVEN SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU PEOPLE OVER THE PHONE!!! D O W N A R D!!!!!!! NO SECOND W!!!!!!!! QUIT PUTTING IT IN THERE!!!!!!!!

QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

I HATE YOU ALL WITH ALL THE HATE IN THE WORLD THAT COULD POSSIBLY DRIVE ME TO USE ALL CAPS AND MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS.

:(,
–sabrina

Okay, guys, for real this time, say it with me now: CALL FIRST. Seriously. I was even *home* this time. In pigtails, no doubt looking my absolute best in a dusty nerd t-shirt (“Distributing Clue to Lusers,” by O’Really), and carrying an armload of sheets that were about to get shoved in a box…said boxes all over the damn place and hardly any floor actually open to be walked on, and the apartment not exactly in prime condition to show. Because I was packing. Because I am moving. *Honestly*. Frigging CALL FIRST.

Grrrrrr.
–sabrina

I am moving, so I just went to the SoS office to get a new driver’s license with my new address. OH MY GOD THESE ARE SO UGLY. Who did you have design these things, kindergarteners on LSD? This is so horrible it actually makes my photo look good in comparison. They might be really hard to forge now with all those technicolor wavy lines, but only because no one with a fake ID would be caught dead with something so tacky.

I should have just kept my old one and explained to people for the next 4 years that the address was out of date. Never ever ever ever ever EVER let the person who designed these things design so much as a doodle on a paper napkin, EVER AGAIN. I think I’m blind!

On the bright side, I feel compelled to note that the people at the 69 W Washington, Chicago “Express” office were, as usual, fast, cheerful, and competent, and five bucks is a wholly acceptable amount to pay for a replacement license, plus I like that I don’t have to sit for a whole new awful photo, you just reprint the old one, so the replacement process was quite painless, except for aesthetics.

Mr. Secretary, don’t hire the kindergarteners next time, no matter how bad the budget situation is. Please, I beg of you.

sincerely,
–sabrina